2016 Investment Plan: Scratch Offs

I’m not a big “new year, new me” guy, and quite frankly I think the whole concept is pretty stupid. In my view January 1st is just the next day on the calendar, it aint any different from the day before or the day after. Same shit as when you’re having that forced conversation with your Aunt on your birthday every god damn year. “How does it feel to be 15???” The same it felt yesterday god damnit..now does the birthday card have cash in it or not.

Every year people trick themselves into thinking this is their chance to start fresh and do any of the bullshit they could have been doing on any other of the 364 days of the year but they put it off.  January 1st is the time to do it! I’m gonna lose weight, exercise every day, stop smoking, try harder at work, go to church, and be a better person forever!! Fuck you, 95%  of people quit their resolutions before the 1st week of January is over.

Which brings me to my New Years Resolution….this year putting all my money into scratch offs. Thats it. No stock market, not flipping any houses, shark tank, or making a call to investacenter.


Nope, straight up scratchers. I played the Powerball too because you fuckin have to. I can skip buying a 12 pack if it gives me a Big Sexy Bartolo inside the park home runs chance to be a billionaire. But some asshole midwest couple and a prick in Chino won that money.

So far Uncle Sam has landed a few jabs and I’ve countered with one $40 cash in. As it currently sits halfway through the month I’ve spent $90 and won $41..netting me a loss of $49.


Some might call it a slow start and they would be right, but every rich person knows the investment game is all about pacing..Uncle Sam is a man of persistence and wont just reward any jerkoff who drops $90 in 2 weeks and calls it a day. America was built for men who are all about the long haul. I see Uncle Sam’s initial push and I will call his bluff, continuing to purchase scratchers at a steady rate of around $30 a week with a few drunken purchases in between.

So far:

  • 10 $1 monkey scratchers…only wining $1 there.
  • 3 $20 books each includes 6 games to win….won $40 there
  • 4 $5 scratchers…which have netted jack shit


Thats where I currently stand $40 in the hole. Bought a $20 book last night and got absolutely smoked..0 burger city, but I will not be deterred so quickly. I will go down with the ship or until I literally cant afford it anymore on my shitty salary. Gotta figure this is gonna work out in my favor though.

If anyone has a preferred scratcher that they think is lucky or has a success rate better than 0% ROI you can tweet me @TheeWillKelly




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